i would like to yell into the void about seeing mcr tonight and what it means to me bc its so much more than just a show by a band i like so i'll make a little thread here 12 atbildes
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:46:46) |
i would like to yell into the void about seeing mcr tonight and what it means to me bc its so much more than just a show by a band i like so i'll make a little thread here | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:48:42) |
as some of y'all know i grew up in latvia, a tiny country in eastern europe, right after the fall of soviet union, so people there had a very different mindset than people in the western world, things were scarce, money was tight, people had to focus on survival for the most part | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:49:33) |
and mental health simply was not a thing people ever thought about! it was heavily stigmatized and borderline taboo to talk about, being on meds for mental health was unheard of and it was just, Not A Thing that people would address | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:51:34) |
so here i am, unmedicated neurodivergent ADHD ass kid, executive dysfunction off the charts, with a mother that likely has some sort of a personality disorder and takes all her frustrations out on me and a father that would enable her abuse - fun! | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:52:58) |
by no means did i have the worst childhood but it was bad enough to leave me with c-ptsd now as an adult. and like every little emo kid in early to mid 00s i found a lot of peace in my little emo bands that i would put on my mp3 player and listen to while skipping school | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:53:56) |
school was another place where i had a terrible time! so i spent a lot of time dissociating and daydreaming about being somewhere else, and my biggest dream was to one day go to warped tour and see my favorite bands, mcr being the one i would have loved to see the most | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:54:59) |
no cool bands ever came to eastern europe those days so i knew i would not have a chance to see them there. i also always had wanted to live in california ever since i was, idk, 12? i told my mother i will one day achieve it and she just laughed at me | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:56:23) |
anyway in 2011 i moved to sweden and i was like hey cool now i'm out of my abusive household and cool bands come here and maybe i can finally get to see them - and then in 2013 mcr announce the breakup and girlies, i was in SHAMBLES | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:58:20) |
absolutely heartbroken, thinking i would never get to see them yet joking about how my new years resolution is to get mcr together ever single year. then i met Toph and we got together in 2014 and in 2015 i move to california, like i always knew i would | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 22:59:49) |
warped tour is now full of bands i don't even recognize and it's kinda bittersweet bc while technically i could go to it now what's the point really? and then 2019 comes and mcr gets back together and i about pop an aneurysm because WHAT | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 23:01:21) |
and now i've had these tickets for almost 3 years and it still doesn't feel real bc of the pandemic delays but it's genuinely one of the most important days of my life, i did not even know how much this band helped me get thru my teenage years | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 23:03:01) |
now with my mental health being better than it has been for probably most of my life i'm just so grateful for every weird twist and turn my life's taken to get me to this point and it absolutely feels unreal to an extent and i still can't believe tonight is HAPPENING | |
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k4tthew (2022-10-05 23:03:56) |
anyway, thank u for coming to my ted talk, this felt very nice to write out on here bc usually i keep these things to my closest friends but i just wanted to get it out of my system i guess lol tldr: it wasn't a phase, mom | |